I come to you with news. As many of you possibly know already, the House of Bad Fanfiction went down due to admin-related drama. There were a lot of fireworks. I created a new forum as a backup place to escape to if the House exploded. It pretty much did.
We have our own domain, a bunch of us pitched in. The template needs work, as do some other things, but the community is all there.
The migration happened a month ago, but the admin was tied into Encyclopedia Dramatica, Something Awful, and /b/ so it seemed unwise to hand out the link so soon. So I apologize for leaving you in the dark, it was for the good of the whole.
1) What part of "Do Not Post Harry Potter Here" do you not understand? Are people just hitting Add Topic as soon as the page loads without even reading it? The f'n HP sub-forum loads before NR proper does. And not only that, but I've seen some users (and not newbies, at that) who are doing this repeatedly. Are you people too good to follow the rules? Or just too lazy and/or stupid?
2) ANTIDOTES. GO. IN. GABBERY. This has been the rule since the orange boards. Yet it's veteran GAFFers that keep throwing [Antidote] into every section EXCEPT Gabbery. Do you not notice that such topics keep getting moved?
You people bring out the Cranky Old Man in me! Now GET OFF MY LAWN!
Oct. 10th, 2007 @ 08:25 am
I feel I owe Carly Simon an apology for what I've just done to one of her best-known songs. (For those of you who haven't heard it in a while, or at all, I offer this link.)
You walked into Godawful, like you were being asked to wank. Your hand strategically dipped beneath your pants, the smell was absolutely rank. You had one eye on your thread view counts, though your comments kinda stank And yet, you dreamed that we'd give you attention, we'd give you attention, and...
(Chorus) Yoooou're so lame. You prob'ly think this thread is about you. You're so lame. ("So lame!") I bet you think this thread is about you. Don't you? Don't you?
You found this site a few years ago, in which you tried to fit. From dogpiling newbs, to saying "just kill yourself," most of your posts were shit. When we told you that you were being a brat, you promised us you'd quit. But you did not, you still splooge in our forum, splooge in our forum, and...
Yet you're still here, you still splooge in our forum, splooge in our forum, and...
Well I hear you tried to turn over a new leaf, you even changed your name. You pretend that you're all grown up this time around, and your past deeds fill you with shame. And still we see you on this site, and your wanking is just the same. You haven't changed, you still splooge in our forum, splooge in our forum, and...
(Repeat Chorus a few more times.)
Sep. 20th, 2007 @ 08:50 am
Why, according to the borg collective on GAFF, is sex so disgusting? If Mario wants to get it on with Bowser and Peach, just let 'em. Are you all so conservative and/or young that the very idea of shoving anything up your cooch is automatically a canon violation?
99% of everything sucks. I get it. I'd like something more than the obvious dipshit Mary Sues and the Sueish douchebags that try to snark them but end up as godawful as a pmsing high school kid posturing for attention from the nerds.
That Outrageous Lie thread sucks something fierce. The lies are uncreative regurgitations of half-eaten dogshit. I used to hang out there a long time ago, back in 2004, and I was maybe that bad, bu seriously, how many times can you call some nitwit a Mary Sue?
Yes, there is stuff that really, truly sucks, but most of the time it is just opinion vs. opinion with no real ground. This is GAFF. The arguments are what makes it awesome. The fanfiction is mediocre, not GA. And a good 75% of the members are still in high school.
SHUT YOUR VIRGIN EARS BEFORE I RAPE THEM
Jul. 25th, 2007 @ 03:55 pm
Is anyone else having difficulties with their approved accounts? If so, does anyone know how to fix it? The Site Guru told me I'd been approved, but I have to log in three times to actually look at the forums (once when I sign on, again to look at my Control Panel, and again to get to the forums), and then things are OK until I try to post a reply, which is when I get told that there's been an error and I need to log in again. I emailed the Guru about a week ago and haven't heard back yet. I also tried to sign in a new account, but it hasn't gotten approved yet. Any ideas?
From Psy-4 in the Guestbook. A sample of things that Psy-4 thinks about certain topics concerning not only fanfiction, but also of some degree of literature itself:
Angst-fics - obsolete since 'Hamlet' (Oh, really?)
High-School fics - obsolete since 'Bully' (What?)
AU fics - obsolete since the beggining of fanfiction.(I mean, COME ON, it's just original fiction with characters we don't know bearing the characteristics and names of characters we do know) (Sad. And lame.)
PWP - obsolete since porno movies came out.
Plot - missing since the first Mary Sue.
In-depth plot analysis - missing since Johnny Depp
Analysis of philosophical issues - missing since Kingdom Hearts 2
I had written something lengthy about points 1 and 2, but I'm not sure if it's that good and if it exactly conforms to the list. Instead, I'll just leave you with the annoyingly pretentious and ultimately sad logic that Psy-4 has presented in order to discredit several genres within fanfiction.
But I will say this: Psy-4, I imagine you are going to grow up to be one of those people who sits in an ugly chair, swirling root beer around in a highball glass while endlessly working the names of philosophers like Immanuel Kant and Johann Wolfgang von Goethe into your conversations with other people as much as you can. You will work at Pottery Barn and get no further than night manager because everyone will think you are a pretentious asshole. Expect frequent bludgeonings with the thick books from your bookshelf around the head and balls.
ETA: Psy-4 does not really think "angst-fic" over the last six hundred years is really "obsolete", rather that it is WAY INFERIOR to HAMLET
May. 18th, 2007 @ 11:15 pm
*sigh* Shit like this is just disgusting, really. Shouldn't really be surprised, considering I'm just as much a GAFFer as you guys are, and thus have seen a lot worse (just no good at MSTing). Really though, the idea of keeping slaves is just repulsive, in my opinion.
May. 16th, 2007 @ 11:37 pm
Nickolaus Pacione is a funny, funny little man. He has a Xanga, whatever that is. I think it's something like Livejournal, but for the younger set. Anyway, whatever it is, Nicky-boy has one, and it has an RSS feed at nickolaus_feed. He fancies himself a writer, but he has trouble with "your" and "you're," not to mention "there," "they're," and "their." He fancies himself persecuted, but he has trouble with the basic idea of "don't dish it out if you can't take it." Every tenth word he types is "faggot" or "dyke," which leads me to believe that he really desperately wants to go suck some dick, and he hopes that if he's loudly homophobic enough, no one will realize it. And his fiction is composed mostly of childish revenge fantasies.
But wait! There's more! Go over there right now, and you'll get to see him interact with his adoring public! (And by "adoring public," I mean "people who have a whole armory full of axes to grind.)
Apr. 26th, 2007 @ 11:18 am
10:12 PM, MST zone: Guru posts this in the guestbook.
Fair warning: I'm backing up the guestbook as soon as I post this, so anything you post after this may get disappeared when the nameservers update and you suddenly find yourself on the new GAFF server.
At the very least, we're one step closer to the reopening of the forums (and the beginning of a new era of shitslinging).
GURU WHAT HAPPENED TO THE POST ON THE GUESTBOOK!?!?!?! I HAD A VERY FUNNY FIC I HAD PUT IN THERE AND I WAS MAKING FUN OF IT AND YOU DELETED IT!!!!!!!!!!! SPORK SPORK SPORK
Last night, I caught a movie on Lifetime called No One Would Tell (1996) with Candace Cameron and Fred Savage. I remember that I saw the first part of it when it was originally on TV around 11 years ago, but I didn’t finish it. (Why does the wrestling season last 5 months? I dated a wrestler in high school and it only lasted three months.) Besides the terrible acting (Fred Savage does CRAZY EYES! Her best friend spends the last 30 minutes sobbing at every opportunity.) it brought back some 90s memories. I was born in 1978, but I hit puberty around 1990-91, so the 90s are more vivid and had more of an impact for me than the 80s, although I do revel in those memories as well. ( Let's go backCollapse )
The answer is deceptively simple: Make a movie out of it!
Before you break that camera out and run to Hobby Lobby to make some wizard robes, be advised that going that route will not work and is in fact the exact opposite of making a bad fanfic good. A good way to do it is to run the fanfic through a voice synthesizer. That's a very good start, but that does not make a movie. There's a bunch of graphics you have to worry about, but I'm sure that your vision of the fanfic can be emulated perfectly through Photoshop and MS Paint.
Here's an example of how this can be done correctly: